Posted by: Anonymous Me | March 17, 2011

Some St. Patrick’s Day Humor…

A few extra funnies for the week! πŸ˜€

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,’Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know how to say one thing..’
‘What do they say?’ the priest inquired.
‘They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’
‘That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment. ‘You know,’ he said, ‘I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, And we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying . .. That phrase . . In no time.’
‘Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

There was stunned silence. Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot, And exclaimed, ‘Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three Irish guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, Mahoney, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”

Mahoney says, “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”

The first two guys were amazed. “Begorrah! What happened then?” they asked.

Mahoney took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, “She said, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While on a vacation tour of Europe, I was in Rome and noticed a marble column in St. Peter’s with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for. The priest told me it was a direct line to Heaven, and if I’d like to call, it would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined the offer.

Throughout Italy, I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the same: a direct line to Heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars.

Then – I finished my tour of Europe in Ireland. I decided to attend Mass at a local village church. When I walked in the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating: “DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN 25 cents.” “Father,” I said, “I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I visited, I’ve seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price is always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?”

The priest smiled and said, “Darlin’, you’re in Ireland now. It’s a local call.”

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Laughingly,

Me πŸ˜€

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Responses

  1. I saw this, and immediately thought of you. I’m sure these words are in your daily vocabulary, but I thought they were funny!

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/top-ten-lists/top-10-rare-and-amusing-insults/cockalorum.html?&t=1300382920

    • Oh man! These are GREAT! I’ve never really heard of any of them. I will say that the definition of mumpsimus sure sounds a LOT like someone we know!! I’ll give you 3 guesses!!! πŸ˜‰

  2. My goal for the day is to call someone a mooncalf!! hahahaha~ Thanks for the jokes too, funny stuff! πŸ™‚

  3. hahaha that could refer to at least three people!


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