Posted by: Anonymous Me | January 17, 2011

Some Good Advice…

I came across this article on one of my fave blog, The Happiness Project. The article talks about how to deal with people who complain about things but then reject any suggestions you may offer on how to improve the situation…aka The Help-Rejecting Complainer. I know SO many people like this. She gives some really good advice on how to deal with people like this…And one of the last paragraphs of the article –

“As always, with happiness, the secret is mindfulness. Whether as a help-giver and help-getter, itโ€™s useful to step back from any particular conversation and to look for broader patterns of behavior, especially when interactions with a particular person always seem to end unhappily.”

reminded me of one of my new e-peeps, Beth, and her journey to become more mindful. I love it when things connect to other things. Does that even make sense?? ๐Ÿ™‚ It makes me think of “The Circle of Life” song from the Lion King except without the life and death parts. ๐Ÿ˜€

Hakuna Matata-ly,

Me ๐Ÿ˜‰

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Responses

  1. Great link, and great post! For whatever reason, my friends tend to lean on me for advice (I’m a college junior and somehow wound up being close friends with quite a few scared college freshmen haha) but don’t like the advice they asked for ten seconds earlier. As much as Staples wants you to believe it exists, there is no Easy Button! Haha, again, good post.

  2. What a great post. Thanks for the link to the article, also. I’ve dealt with a few “Help-rejecting-complainers, or as I call them, terminal whiners. It can be really tough dealing with people like this because my urge, as a fellow human being, is to want to help people in need. Sometimes, the best thing you can to for someone is to remind them that when all else fails, happiness if often a choice. You can choose to ask for and receive help to improve your lot in life and thus your happiness, or you can choose to wallow in perpetuity.

    Me? I’m a person of action!

  3. Pallasthena2007, I totally agree with you. I have had many experiences in my life and in my college days that were similar to Eric’s. In particular, I had a friend who was prone to depression and was very vocal about it. To this day, he quotes something I said to him laying on his lovesac in his apartment. Whenever he was in his funk he was always saying that there was nothing he hadn’t tried to make it stop and how much of a hopeless case he was. I frankly told him “to shut up and just decide to be happy.”

    Obviously, I went on to describe how EVERYONE has funks, including myself, and most people don’t get to find some magic solution to rub on the problems of their lives or the problems in their attitude to make them go away. Most people just have to say, “I am going to be happy anyway.” Just like we all have to decide what shoes to wear, what to have for breakfast, or what movie to watch we all have to choose to be happy and make that the mindset for the day.

    What surprises me is how novel of an idea he thought that was; like he hadn’t ever thought about it that way before. You could have knocked me over with a broom because of how shocked I was. I just figured that it was common knowledge and it made me sad for him.

    I am glad to know that there are like-minded thinkers out there. More go getters and happy by choice decision makers.

    • I definitely agree with you, Kribart, and you, PA2007. However, as a person who has struggled with depression for over 20 years, I can safely say, at least for me, that happiness is often very illusive and “deciding” to be happy is not as easy as it sounds. Just as when you decide to make any change in life – having a better diet, exercising more, blogging more, etc., – sometimes life gets in the way of your best intentions, and you end up back at square 1. That being said, “deciding” your way out of depression is infinitely more exhausting, time consuming, heart-wrenching, and just plain difficult than other types of life changes. Also, in my opinion, depending on the person, depression can be very different from pessimism. I have known SO many people who are just plain negative. No matter what is happening things are going to go badly…No matter how much the sun shines, it’s probably going to rain…Am I the only who’s run into a ton of these people in the workplace?? YAY Negative Nancy/Ned co-workers! These people frustrate me to no end, and I think those are the type of people Gretchen is referring to in her article. Anyhoo…my point is that thinking all things will turn out badly is both a little bit the same and a little bit different than thinking all things will turn out badly because they involve, you, an awful person who doesn’t deserve to live. ANYHOO…I am glad your friend felt comfortable enough to talk with you about his problems and that you were able to get through to him…It’s good to have peeps!…and e-peeps! ๐Ÿ˜€ Thanks for commenting!


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